“Ascertain the truth”

Why say things you don’t mean? 

Just because you feel you don’t mean anything 

To the people you once meant something to.

Why say things you don’t mean?

Just to bruise the ones

That hold a special place in your heart?

The spark of the rumbling of war.

Why say things you don’t mean? 

To the people who mean everything 

To this small place in your heart.

How could you?

Why say things you don’t mean?

Just to say anything 

For the sake of saying something 

Rather than saying nothing.

What do you mean?

Why say things you don’t mean?

To yourself.

Afraid you’ll never be better 

Writing off the ending of your story.

Why would you do that? 

Why say things you don’t mean? 

When you could speak your truth 

Afraid there’s no one listening 

But there’s always someone listening to you.

Me.

So I sing 

I sing 

I sigh

Sighs of relief 

This is me.

This is she. 

Swimming to shore

Though unsure

Of what life’s to bring 

Understanding the meaning of things

Super Blue

Her favorite color is blue. Like the sky. Shes tired of living in the cage. She wants to spread her wings. She wants to fly. On the verge of losing hope. Lost. All she has is her own LOVE. She leans on poetry to release her pain. No more tears left. Everyone she belived in has turned their back. It’s rare for the soul to come back from this. Nothing scarier. She is ready to make the jump. Her faith has been tested before. Failure is not an option. This time she feels SUPER. Something about falling in flat in your face. Make you feel invincible. Unbreakable. Her motto “This year win yourself”. Her motto is becoming her religion. The temple realizes what’s good for the soul. Can’t wait to document her progress. Once she takes flight and notices her heart has always been courageous. Some people heart pumps purple. Some pump red. Her heart pumps blue. Full of loyalty, depth, and confident. Rare traits for a cold world. She wants to LOVE. Doesn’t want to fall on the double edge sword. Her wisdom keeps her moving forward. She understands she’s a healer. Like the ocean in the Caribbean.

Peace & Love

Music that inspired this thought- H.E.R & Daniel Caesar “Best Part”

“New Beginnings”

Fear 

Such a detrimental entity 

Will consume you if you let it 

Devour your dreams

Tarnish your tenacity 

Convince you that 

Because of mistakes 

There’s no one left for me

Making you forget 

You’re biggest supporter 

Because you’ve always put others before her 

Always wanting to maintain the peace 

Never allowing her to be free to be

Speak her mind from her gut

Sing her hearts song with pure love 

Accepting love 

Radiating it willingly 

Protecting her divine nature 

Putting no one before her 

Afraid of her own power 

Been powerless for so long 

Rewriting her wrongs 

Sewing her seeds 

Watering her garden with faith 

Because fear has no more space here

I am... MADMAX w/ The vision

Yea i keep to myself. Sometimes I can be introverted. Look at what happens when someone opens up to you. Trust in me. Decisions & consequences. Even at my lowest I choose you. Even through the dark roads. I am the light that illuminates through your soul. So follow my heart. Don’t lose yourself in chasing it. No such thing as perfection. That doesn’t mean you keep practicing correction. Be easy with yourself. We stumbled. Your heart was in a good place. Can't save them all. But you can save yourself. We all dream. Seems like i’m the only one trying to live it. I won't apologize for trying to win for us. Keeping everything close to myself for now. You will find out when I make it rain. Some break codes. I stick to mine. I got this. Fuck regrets. “Some things I must confess. Spoke my truth, paid my debt”. Life can be so amazing if you let go. I swear this is the last time I let my ego down. I need it to gas myself to space. Fly by the doubters. The Vision is mine. Yea this time I keep the Vision to myself. This time I trust myself. Want to know?…You got me fucked up

Peace & Love

Song that inspired this rant- Kendrick Lamar “Count me out”

“Holding on”

Trying to take the biggest step of my life

Heart trying to tell me what’s right 

Ignore all the noise 

Follow the light 

But the light keeps getting dimmer

By egos resistance to let me expand within 

Ridicule or advice 

Don’t know what’s going on in my mind 

Trying hard not to lose it 

So I wipe my eyes again 

And keep looking forward 

Can see the light again 

But the light keeps getting dimmer

By egos resistance to accept someone as friend 

And not see everyone as an enemy 

That’s what ego portrays to me 

Stopping me in my tracks 

But I always fight back 

Even though this time

The light is getting dimmer now 

Getting harder and harder to find 

Avoiding giving up on her 

Let go of the concept of time 

Let Mind run free in the land of creativity 

Without the entrapment of rules and regulations 

Create my hearts desires because demons 

Are what I am facing 

“Welcome to Self-Love Island”

Isolating herself from the influence of others 

So she’s able to deeply discover

Who she truly is at her core 

No inspiration from lover nor friend 

Just a solo mission 

Exploring deep within 

The things she loves

The things she adores 

Her dents and cracks 

Her scars and sores 

Learning to listen 

From a space of understanding

Flying away from old ways

Praying for a safe landing 

Remove negativity 

Cleanse her soul 

Accepting all parts of her

Young and old 

Warm and cold

Admitting where she’s hurt others 

Observing how she’s hurt herself 

Accepting things not on her path 

And leaving it for someone else 

If she could stand in the ocean

Stop fighting the waves

She would float naturally 

To where she’s supposed to be today

Learning to ride the tide 

Without wondering why 

Accepting the sun as well as the stars

Shut up and take action

Kids deserve to live. Action speaks volumes. Sad days like these happen way too often. Our children deserve better. The right & left will discuss politics. Meanwhile we attend more funerals. When will it be enough? Nothing will change. In reality they don't care about souls. They only see green. A piece of paper has more worth than a beating heart. R.I.P to the fallen.

Peace & Love

“Silver Linings”

The harder days 

Make me pray harder for 

Sunshine in my soul

Conscious and aware

That I won’t be here for long

But now feels like forever

Don’t know if it will get better

But I pray 

For brighter days and forgiveness

For not knowing the right way 

Broken compass

Don’t know how to navigate these things 

Pray for you more than I pray for myself 

And maybe that’s too selfless 

Since I’ll never know if you do the same 

All alone and feel so helpless

Think I’m aware

But my awareness is shattered 

From the moment you told me 

My story doesn’t matter 

So instead of being The Mad Hatter

I pray

For brighter days in my soul

Because there will always be rain 

Teaching myself how to weather the storm 

Not be so ashamed 

So I look to the stars 

Knowing one day this

Will be my new home 

Getting comfortable up there 

For when the storm comes on

When putting on your CROWN

“Heavy is the head that chose to wear the crown” Decisions. Choices. Peace.

“Changing the Narrative”

Am I selfish for worrying about my problems?

Just because everyone got em?

While I’m facing mine, you’re facing yours

But if you take a glimpse and see me drowning 

Would you pull me to shore? 

Or it don’t really matter because 

Those problems aren’t yours? 

If you call me your friend 

And you hear people talk about me

Would you defend my character to them? 

Or muzzle your mouth to save yourself

Because our bond is too embarrassing to be known by anyone else

If you say you love me to my face 

But when your homies make an I’ll comment

Now in your mouth there’s this bad taste

Would you let love roll off your tongue then?

Or are opinions of others a roadblock 

To expressing how love locked you truly are

Or now it means nothing because you never showed me

All of your scars

When you’re around me I see a shining star

Even when you’re not in my presence 

And your name rings bells

Love and adoration for you is the first thing I yell

But behind closed doors my name is something you don’t defend 

Foe behind my back yet you still call me friend 

But I don’t judge you 

Because this used to be me 

Seeing everyone’s problems 

Except for when I look in the mirror

Because I’m All That in publics eye

But deep inside I’m aching

Judging myself more than anyone else because I’m breaking 

So I fake it til I make it 

Cuz I know I have flaws too

But just because I have them 

I should flaunt them too you?

Because that makes me human 

And hiding them generates hurt

But now that everyone knows them 

Embracing them hurts you worse 

Cuz how can she walk around with so much confidence

A smile on her face and no one’s knocking it 

Until she met me and I turned it all around 

Read you a list of all your flaws 

Now I’m the one looking down 

Because you don’t know your worth 

And I know your heart is aching

So I take advantage of your soft shell 

And tell everyone else you’re faking 

Because they trust my word more

So you’re word is mistaken 

For an insecure girl who’s never gonna make it 

The Playmaker

Im better when its me against the odds. With my ancestors watching. I can hear them cheering for me. Open your third eye. We are here to win. Don’t like the defense? Audible. Losing is not an option. Those L’s are lessons. When you doubt me. It fuels me. Fuels me to keep pushing. The hustle doesn’t stop. Understanding rain doesn’t last forever. When the clouds are clear. Fly again.

Peace & Love

Song that inspired me: Kanye West ft Andre 3000 “Life of the Party”, Kendrick Lamar “The Heart pt 2 “

“Deep Abyss”

Finally looking up 

After looking down on herself for so long

Never accepting her wrongs 

Stuck in her abyss of trauma 

Anchored, holding on 

Didn’t want attention 

Never wanted fame 

Just to tread in her head in Lonelyville

Wondering why no one wants to stay here 

They could see her silver lining 

She just seen the storm 

Embracing the rain 

Ignoring the fact 

It won’t be this way forever 

But now she’s soaked in drama 

Beat down by trauma

Radiating her blackness onto everything she touches

Deep down all she really needs is love 

Love from self and no one else 

Accept her worst

That’s when she becomes her best

Look to the light and ignore the rest 

Strip her soul of regrets

Strip her mind of shoulda coulda woulda’s 

Strip her spirit of darkness

Gracefully rise into her light 

Never turning back to sulk in the night 

Purple Hearts

It’s not for the weak. Be brave. Be proud. Don’t be afraid to LOVE.

Peace & Love

Standing Ovation

Stand up. You made it to your other chapter. Memories taught us death is certain. Why be afraid? The pain will be over. Don’t cry about the scars. Forgive yourself for mistakes. Lessons of the past are blessings. Take risk. There is no reason to be afraid. No limits. All of this is a facade. An experiment not to be taken with fear. Do not cry at my funeral. Smile. Celebrate.

R.I.P Neftali Morales

“Goodbye
To all the love ones I leave behind
At least they cant see me cry”

Peace & Love

Songs that brought back memories of a friend: Rick Ross “Tears of Joy”, Frank Ocean “Pretty Sweet”, Mos Def “UMI Says”

“Cycles”

Don’t tell me I’m falling again

Letting your lies guide me down

That dark tunnel

Emotions going down a funnel

Funny how you’re never there to

Catch me when I’m done falling

Just promise after promise

With no follow through

Look at how I thought of you

Put so much trust in you

Trust in us, a facade a crush

And now I’m crushed

Forsaken and forgotten

Beautiful fruit turned rotten

So much has touched the surface

Penetrated cell deep

So deep can’t even sleep

Constantly wondering if you’re thinking

Of me, me? Of we?

Could it really never be

Why can’t I clean my eyes and let her see

The truth of this dead tree

Limbs falling

Nothing coming into fruition

Just damage and reminiscing

Yet you’re constantly calling

And it’s because I answer

Forever back door access

You’re like my cancer

No matter how bad I try to get rid of you

There’s always a slim chance I won’t be able to

Need some type of chemo

To get you off my neck

Stop you from coming back

Boundaries

Standards

A barrier, a wall

But you come full attack

Got your shield up but mine has a crack

The splits apart when you say

“I love you”

Tragic love predicated on your lies

"Ally"

Searching for a community

A place where I belong 

Cuz where I’ve been 

No longer feels like home 

Not welcomed, not accepted 

So why’d you stay so long? 

Thought by holding on 

It would make me strong 

But holding on to something 

That doesn’t belong

Is the dumbest thing to do 

She doesn’t want to be here

And he doesn’t belong to you 

Judging everyone else 

But you need guidance too

Thought you were the best you 

A perfect perfectionist 

But you still got work to do

Learn to embrace your flaws 

Because they belong to you 

You’ve made mistakes too

If you shared them and were vulnerable 

You’d realize that I’ve made them too

And even if I didn’t 

I still don’t think I’m better than you 

“Fire walk”

“Honey this ain’t no easy access”

So, now I got a point to prove; my right of passage

Not an artists until you can write something other than all that sad shit

See, give me an idea and I can portray it

Don’t use all the literary devices so they don’t get the message

Cuz a REAL artist don’t just write when they’re bored

Or when their heart is breaking cuz their situation-ships are unsure

So because I don’t write like you

Now, I got a point to prove

Because how are you a writer

But you ain’t never wrote no haiku

Can’t use an allegory cuz you ain’t never read the Bible

Don’t know iambic pentameter so how you a rapper?

Art not not just about writing what’s in your soul

But using your pen as a tool and taking control

But if you don’t start from passion

How do you really know?

Cuz I have talent, hidden deep within

Like the caterpillar that transformed to a butterfly after growing within

Was always destined to be a butterfly

Everyone could see it in her eyes

But cuz her mouth was to shy to open up and let her fly

She had to stay in her cocoon a little longer

Learn the lesson again, make her stronger

Cuz she don’t let the world tell her when she’s ready

Now her wings are the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen

And she earned it.

And that big lesson, I think she finally learned it.

Thoughts while driving

The reason people love superhero movies are because they are always conflicted. Fighting every day crimes but most of the time fighting within themselves. Either the pain of the fallen or the pain of your choices. It is hard to heal when your mind is always on someone or something else. That is why people overworked themselves or bury themselves with plans. The escape has to be worth it because at the end of the night when it is all quiet and you try to decompress, your mind reminds you what is real. This is why sometimes I can't sleep. Reflecting on what is real and what is fake. Those are my common dilemmas. The choices we sit with and the regrets I overthink about. But what do you do when you are tired? Tired of hurting people with your choices. We are taught to fight it. That is why in a dispute with someone the most disrespectful comment usually wins. “Don’t talk to me”, “I regret meeting you”, “Hope you disappear”. All hurtful but some words just pierce your heart differently. Someone told me “Rob You are Love”. I sat there confused. I asked them what they meant and they said “i never met a person who has been hurt so much and been betrayed but still had room in their heart to love”. I have been thinking about this so much lately. But lately I've been out of my character. Just reflecting. Believe me i am no angel. Lately i have been inconsiderate and selfish. This is not a self pity post. My decisions have led me to lose significant things. I just hope they are not beyond repair. But I guess that’s what life is about…letting go. If it comes back, treasure it. Now if it doesn’t. Can we live with the pain. I wish i didn’t care. Sometimes I envy the people who can just move on and not think of anything. Not feel anything. Not to miss any memory. I know we can’t satisfy everyone or every need. All we can do is take accountability. Guess that is part of the journey. Part of trying to get to your destination. I just hope we can get there safely.

“You’re sure to lose your mind if you never follow your heart”

Peace & Love

Songs that inspired me to rant while driving: Dom Kennedy “5.0 conversations”, Fabolous ft Trey Songs “Slow Down”, Fabolous “Riesling Rolling Papers”

Thanks to Veronica and Lito for the conversations

Connection Failed

I feel slighted

I confided

in vain

insane of me to have the same taste

and think something would change

what of it though

this urge to love

the unlovable

what compels me

to be drawn to the broken

the draining

the lost

perhaps to save them from themselves

but at what cost

they cannot afford the price of my peace

and now they're simply a piece

of my past

of my history

it is only a loss on their end

I don't make connections easily

but I've mastered the art of the disconnect

“Mile Long Milestones”

Standing on step two of her stairwell to destiny

Keeps looking back so she can’t see the steps she needs to see

Too focused on what’s behind her so she doesn’t realize how far she has to go

If she changed her direction and believed in herself then she would finally know

“Tap, tap, tap”

That’s the sound of her dreams knocking at her door

“Bum hoe, no common sense!”

That’s what she hears screaming from the floor

Falling deeper and deeper into what she’s supposed to let go of

Believing all of these things, and right now, maybe it is so

But she shouldn’t believe because that’s what self love is for

This is your push to elevate

Share your pain and see how many can relate

Never woulda thought vulnerability would be step three

But we can't let who we we’re in the past define what we

Taking those steps

Pulling every knife from her back

Cleaning the slate from the knives she’s put in the backs of others

Some will relate and stay

And a grudge is the only answer for some other brothers

So she takes the cake and walks away

Because this is the table she set

While still forever grateful

Because if it wasn't for those bad decisions

She wouldn’t be progressing to the next step