Dinner For One

I don’t need to be wined and dined—

don’t mistake a meal

for access.

I’d rather be fed knowledge

than something plated

with expectation,

with obligation,

with entitlement.

I’ll pay my own—

if a paid bill

comes with assumptions,

implications

of what I’ll owe—

things I refuse to fulfill.

No—

I’m far too divine for that.

I’d rather eat alone.

No Trespassing

You tried to find me,

but I was never lost—

nor yours to find.

You joined me off path,

but I never walked

the crowded way back.

You were different there—

masked,

a stark contrast

to who you were

within,

with me.

Your magnificence,

hidden

beneath a persona,

was sad to witness.

So I denied you access.

And you blamed me

for everything—

because you could no longer

go back and fake it.

But you can’t reside

in two places at once.

You use mine for convenience,

disrupt my peace

just to gather enough energy

to return

to playing pretend.

Ironically,

you are more confined

out there—

where you call yourself free.

A caricature.

Offensive.

A distorted image.

A mockery.

Don’t fault me

for having boundaries.

I built fences.

You ignored the sign.

PRIVATE PROPERTY.

DARE TO love

Take the LEAP.

UNTIL THE END OF TIME

The first time we intertwined

It was as if fate brought us together

Yet unattached by God

To lead down different paths

Two totally different destinations

But as time went on

These paths

Would intertwine once again

So innocent how it began

Childlike giggles and smiles

Two friends mingled together

Been together ever since

To understand the silent cries of a heart

To craddle these emotions like you would a child

To nurture and grow feelings like a delicate rose

That’s the kind of love we bring

That’s the kind of love you show

Deliberately caress my curves

Hold me close until time runs out

Every gesture is an act of dedication

To a promise only two can attain

To make a pact

To never let the other fall

There to uplift you when your armor is weighing you down

Shielding one’s beating heart from punctures of

Betrayal, deceit, and pity

Placing my petals evenly on your mantel

Never forgetting how I shed these petals to leave you alone with a piece of me

A keepsake of my love

Keep me close in your prayers

Ask God to heal parts of me I won’t reveal

For I am aching in ways your gentle eyes couldn’t dream of

For if they were revealed

That childlike Innocence would escape your eyes

For some things are better left unsaid

But I speak to you in soliloquies

Praying you catch every hidden cry for comfort

As you hold me close until time runs out

Wake me with the softest kisses

Stare into my eyes as they flutter open like butterfly wings

Study me like you would a glass sculpture of a goddess rising out of water

Greet me with the nuanced touch from your gentle fingers

All over my body

Hold me close until time runs out

But time will never end for us

For our love is everlasting

Eternal

Is the notion that this love will never break

Nor bend nor shatter

For this love is plexiglass strong

Our love could never be steered wrong

For outside chatter never mattered

Hitting the acoustic panels of our ears

Never breaking us down

For this love could only be moved

Because of conflicting propositions

My peace being disturbed

My sanity taken through trials and tribulations

The sincerity of my love questioned and forsaken

But not this love

No

For this love is everlasting eternal

So hold me close until time runs out

“I’ll Wait for You”

Ill wait for you for

To be fully seen

To be accepted for who I am

A love that doesn’t leave me questioning

Is this the real thing

Or is it a sham

I’ll wait for you

To be held like it’s the last time

To kiss me

And tears fall from my face

You grab my hand

And Whisper to me gently “ I got you”

And truly mean it

I’ll wait for you

To arise from slumber without the wonder

Of if you’ll be there by my side

To let you wander freely

And not have to wonder why

The silent cries of my heart are heard loud and clear

Without ever having to escape my lips

Because you just get me

Were connected like Siamese twins

I’ll wait for you

When nights get lonely

And times are trying

I pray for a love that is never dying

A love I don’t have to fight for

A battle that doesn’t need to be won

Just two beings agreeing

To be there for one another

Like no other

When nights get lonely

And times are trying

We don’t seek love outside of this union

But make it our priority

I’ll wait for you

To be cared for

To not be an afterthought

When I cross your mind

A smile crosses your face

Give you a sensation you’d never want to replace

To show you I love you and respect you all in one place

To receive flowers on a random day

To show you thought about me

A gesture of your love for me

I’ll wait for you

When some nights seem longer than others

When I’m craving the love of another

When it’s seems like all hope is lost

I pray for a love that doesn’t cost

My sanity

My peace

My dignity

Praying one day we meet

So until we do

I’ll wait for you

Cariño

Who are you punishing?

If its not forever?

What’s the point?

As humans

Time is limited

Live till the cup is spilling

Fuck

One of your hugs can save me

In this cruel world

Full of bots

I know it’s a lot

Lately

Real souls

Hard to match

Through the smoke

Inhale

Exhale

This weed can make you choke

Lovers at heart

The risk is high

Rewards full of smiles

In the end

“Ese nene y nena”

Deserve each other

If You Love Something

You said you were damaged

and that you’d take advantage of me.

What I thought were excuses

were rooted in truth.

I realized you really do love me.

It hurt at first—

going from consistent

to distant.

I mourned you.

But you warned me.

And now I see:

you pushed me away

to save me

from everything

you’re putting her through.

You cared for me too much

to keep up the charade.

You spared me the heartbreak—

the loss of my integrity,

the locking of doors

to unlock phones,

the desperation of rifling through messages

just to be gaslit

by broken promises

about “last times,”

thin lines,

and loopholes.

You know she’ll forgive you.

And it’s only a matter of time

before you do it again.

Because you don’t really love her—

you keep her.

But when you love something,

you let it go.

And you set me free.

You said you couldn’t do that to me.

So she’ll suffer instead.

Potential Mistake

The way I move as a whole

is intentional,

and I’ve regretted

giving so much credit

to other individuals,

thinking

they move the same as me.

Not everything

everyone does means something

the way it does

when I act.

I’m purposeful and present,

while most do the bare minimum—

if they even show up at all.

They give to get,

as if love is transactional.

And perhaps to them, it is.

But mine is unconditional,

priceless,

and cannot be bought.

And I’ve sought to find the same

in people

who never meant

what I thought.

Polaroids under the palm tree

The moon bright as the sun. Sitting under the palm tree. Missed this feeling. The ocean waving to the sand. Thinking of YOU. Wishing YOU were here. Picture this.

Its simple

laying on the sand

Your softness

Those lips so caring

Tender moments

The whispers during love making

Those words

somehow mean more

Tequila breath

While we walk the pier

Make sure we keep the memories

Photographs with film

Polaroids for your office

Music playing in the background: Bad Bunny “BAILE INoLVIDABLE”, Bad Bunny “Turista”

Worn

I said yes

ninety-nine times,

but you must’ve forgotten

and clung to

the one time I said no.

So ungrateful.

Your arrogance

is unfair —

entitlement is a son of a bitch,

and it fits you well,

like a suit tailored in hell.

What is it they say?

If the shoe fits,

you wear it —

and you proved it does,

perfect like a glove.

You twisted Cinderella.

Unquenched

You cracked your cup.

Stuffing it with conquests

isn't the same as filling it up.

You can try and pass the time

with one-night stands

and easy fucks,

but we both know

it's temporary,

and it's never really enough.

Fractured chalice,

hollow victory, my friend.

Empty soul,

full bed —

overcompensation

for what's missing within.

Thirst is inevitable

when you drink from

what you won't fix.

Numb Enough

Numb, but not numb enough

to stop feeling stressed

or depressed—

but numb nonetheless.

It’s time

to reassess,

because in the process

of pursuing

feeling something—

anything at all—

I’ve been making fast,

rash decisions,

doing whatever feels good

in the moment,

only to end up reflecting,

wondering

if I’m just being reckless,

trying to feel something

through the numbness—

even to my detriment,

like swimming

tied to blocks of cement.

Poetic Irony

I lost myself

in loving you.

I’ll find myself

in losing you.

Poetic irony —

it’s how we excuse our foolishness.

We use pretty words

to romanticize pain,

so it isn’t in vain

and agony has its purpose.

Because the alternative is

admitting

it was all for nothing —

it has to mean more.

We have to have learned from it.

The Other Shoe

It’s rare that I have them—

those small, stolen

moments of release.

But then again,

it never ceases

to amaze me

that they’re over

as soon as they begin.

I tell myself, be present.

Don’t waste time

focusing on the wrong things.

But I can’t stop

thinking of what comes next.

It’s almost impossible

to enjoy what I know

will be short-lived.

Even if I wanted to,

even if I tried,

and I do,

sometimes I’m lost

in that short-term bliss,

nonetheless,

the whole time

I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop

Collateral Damage

Hurt people hurt people—

but I’m always the one

hurt by the hurt person.

And I just absorb it,

as if the result

is somehow my fault—

for not only accepting it

but perpetuating it.

Because I have my moments,

despite my effort to do better.

I am magnificently flawed,

I know.

Still, I have this

unadulterated urge

to love the unlovable.

Minefield

I am a minefield

at your hands.

Buried mines

in mine —

and you can’t seem to understand

why I’m a mess.

Tiptoe cautious,

I’m just as surprised when one goes off.

There is no map;

I guess with each step,

still healing from the last,

only theoretically prepared for the next.

And you- the audacity-

to actually

be mad at me

when I react

to a bomb you set.

Blissful Ignorance

I’m merely shadowy remnants

of what once was blissful ignorance.

Pessimism hardly defines

the darkness that’s swallowed up

my positive perspective.

What I wouldn’t give

to get it back —

to see through those

rose-colored glasses again,

to believe everything happens

for a reason.

Back to blind faith,

the benefit of the doubt,

to second chances.

I rarely give

first chances now.

The In Between

I swear

you’re a bottomless pit

because I’ve been in

a constant

state of falling,

and I’ve gotten nowhere.

Is this it?

Suspended in air,

do you even notice

me there—

in that place in between

trying harder

and giving up,

amidst the abyss

of all your damages.

Again and again,

monotonous—

wash it away

with drinks.

Bottoms up.

Indifference

He asks if I miss him,

and the truth is —

I don’t have a preference.

His existence

makes no difference to me.

It’s strange how

his absence

has the same affect as his presence,

when months ago, even moments

between text messages

felt torturous.

I practically held my breath

until the next time I saw him.

And now?

Perhaps I’m numb —

or better yet, healed.

I feel

nothing,

except regret and confusion

for giving him

what he never deserved,

and wondering

how I could.

DARK @ 5PM

Cold rainy nights. We should be all over each other. Watching dusk during the fall. Our spirits deserve this. I miss your kisses. Summer full of HOPE. Now lonely afternoons thinking of what ifs. Wishing but I understand we have to move on. While it does get dark too quickly. The light will soon return.